Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
