what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I came so hard my ears popped.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
