did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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