She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
