Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
