I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
