I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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