Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
