i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
