She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
