PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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