apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
