I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
