I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
