We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
