Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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