6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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