Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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