Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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