well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
