I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
