I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
