I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
