guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Don't make out with my wife yet
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
