You're completely useless in the revolution.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
