Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
