Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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