I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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