I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just puked most of my soul out..
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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