I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
