And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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