dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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