so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
