I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
