the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
