6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
