There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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