Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
