I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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