this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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