you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
