I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
