im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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