Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
