I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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