Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
