Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
