Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
