hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
