I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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