the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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