No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I didn't notice because vodka
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
