My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
