So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
