so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
