so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
