when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
