I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He? As in you personified your dick?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
