I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
